Another Cliche Akatsuki Story
by K1w1-chi
Summary: Meet Rae Lee, a normal girl who broke the fourth wall and doesn't want anything to do with the blue kitten she was forced to take home. Did I mention the narrator kidnaped her family so she now lives alone with a dangerous S-ranked criminal? What could possibly go wrong for her? -Crack Fic- -Rated T for Language-
1. I don't want the cat though

_Disclaimer__: Seriously people, it's called a **fanfiction** for a reason. I own myself_

_~~~~~~~~t(* V *)~~~~~~~~_

_"Even if there is nothing to laugh about, laugh on credit."_

_-Anonymous _

* * *

Let me first introduce our main character of this story before we do anything else. Our main character's name is Rae Lee, an average girl in high school, Jr. if you want to be nit-picky. She has thick dirty blonde hair with the tips of it dyed a black color, although most of the time it's feint since she's rather lazy when it comes to dying it. She has hazel eyes with a part in the left eye having a slight brown section in it, it's actually called sectorial heterochromia, look it up if you don't know what it is.

She has a decent face, you know you could distinguish her as a female like many other girls out there. The thing was she wasn't ugly, but not a model either. She was, as I said before, a very average girl. The school year just started and she was extremely upset by it, being surrounded by people she referred to as 'peasants'.

"You know, I could've told them all this."

**D-did you just break the fourth wall?!**

"This is a crack-fic, obviously I did."

**Well stop it, I'm the narrator!**

"You're literally me, I'm just in a written format. Seriously, even my name is just your middle name split into to sections."

**Shut up.**

"Excuse me, I'm the protagonist."

Many people had now turned to Rae as she walked home.

"Great, now people think I'm talking to myself."

**You are, now just act natural and walk normally.**

"You got it, dude."

As Rae walked home she noticed a box by the side of her house. She slowly approached it and noticed it moved slightly. "What the fuck…?" She asked while opening the box and seeing a blue cat with black eyes staring at her. "Okay well my dad is allergic to cats and you're kind of weird looking so I'm just gonna walk away now." She said to herself.

**Take the cat.**

"I don't want to take the cat.

**Take the damn cat, it's the center of this fucking story!**

"But dad's allergic…"

**What dad?**

"Wait…holy shit what did you do to my dad?"

**And I ask again, what dad are you referring to? Also I got rid of your family, sent them on a vacation to a far off land and they won't be back until the end of the story.**

"So you're holding my family hostage so I can continue this damn story…?"

**Yes, now take the cat back home.**

"Okay kitty, since my family is being held hostage I'm taking you with me." Rae said while picking up the cat who struggled in her grasp. "Shut up, this is all your fault!" Rae hissed while throwing the cat carefully into her oversized jacket pocket before continuing on her way home. It was a long walk and usually she'd usually have her sister drive her home but due to a certain, amazing by the way, narrator I have forced her to walk home.

"Pissed off at you."

**Nobody cares!**

Rae eventually got home and lazily unlocked the door and saw her small pug run up to her and she let out a sigh. "Great, now I have to take care of you all by myself…" Rae grumbled as the dog let out a weird look before burping and running away. "Fuck you too, Lily!" Rae said while going and sitting on her couch. She pulled out the cat who was glaring at her.

"Oh shit…forgot I had a pencil in my pocket." She said while looking at the small cut on the cat's ear.

"Wait…how did a mechanical pencil hurt you…?"

**Magic**

She sighed before fixing the wound and looking at the cat. "What now?" She asked herself…or should I say she asked me.

**You're supposed to be suspecting it being in the Akatsuki and being Kisame right now. After you decide it's impossible you then go ahead and name it something stupid then for the rest of the chapter and possibly the next chapter you talk about taking care of the cat that seems human. Then you give it a bath and it turns into his real form, and he'll be naked.**

"So…give him a bath then?"

**No, follow the damn plot that everyone uses!**

"Well fuck you too…" Rae mumbled before looking at the cat. "I swear you remind me of Kisame from the Akatsuki in that anime I know everything about called Naruto since I watch it without fail every single day. But that's totally impossible since this isn't a fan fiction. And by isn't I mean it totally is but I'm not supposed to know that. So I guess I'm going to name you something stupid and cliché…you are now named Jaws." Rae's voice carried on in a bored voice as the cat looked at her with wide eyes.

"He can't hear you, can he?

**Only you, buttercup.**

"Also I'm schizophrenic, so don't worry if I talk to myself." Rae said as an after thought before picking the cat up. "Let's get you some food. I know, tuna sounds good and since you're only a kitten, despite your true age, I shall give you milk as well. Two percent if you don't mind." She said while grabbing said things and throwing them in a bowl.

"Eat up." Rae said with a small frown while walking and turning the TV on and plopping her legs onto the automan that was in the middle of the living room.

**What are you doing?**

"Doing what I always do."

**No, you need to have an amazing talent that you show to the kitten accidently and the cat will admire you for it.**

"I'm a writer, let me just go ahead and write a short story then."

**No, you need something that stands out. Ah you know that acoustic guitar that you got a couple months back and you haven't been able to play it since a string broke so you suck at guitar?**

"Yes…why?"

**You now have the most amazing, silky smooth voice and you can play your perfectly fine guitar and it is so amazing people can cry from it.**

"Okay you can kidnap my family, but you can't give me powers."

**Fine…sing a song then.**

"I don't want to, let me watch TV like I do everyday after school!"

Damn, so grouchy.

"You've been annoying me for a whole hour!"

**Fuck it! Give the cat a bath then and turn him back into his form so he can threaten you then you'll offer him a room here!**

"I don't want a criminal in my house, I like my things."

**I have your family.**

"Damn…fine let me get the cat…" Rae then mumbled while looking for the cat/man and grabbed the blue fuzzball before turning on the bath and dumbing some cold water over its head. There was a loud poof of smoke and Rae threw a towel that was near the bath before walking out. "I'll get you clothes…" She called, luckily her dad was tall and had large clothes that easily fit the shark man. Although there was the thought that she'd, no matter what, have to go shopping for him.

"Damn…where do I get the money?"

**I gave you a million dollars bitch!**

"Then can I buy a cooler house and a car for myself?"

**No, it's the story funds for clothes and food. Deal with it.**

"Fuck you."

**When?**

Rae grumbled off before the Shark man came out of the place. "Okay, let me explain." Where her famous last words before being knocked unconscious.

* * *

_Okay everyone, here is the pilot chapter. So lately I've been tired of all these cliche stories of the Akatsuki characters coming to our world (__although granted some are amazingly written and they have a plot) so here is the first chapter for my crack story. Seriously this is the crackiest thing I've ever written besides the story I once wrote about a Jelly Bean who had multiple personality disorder and tried to escape being eaten by a four year old rabbit. Don't ask. Anyway it's late here and I have no idea if I'll continue this story, if you want me to continue then just...I dunno review or some shit. I seriously don't know if I will continue this, I might for my own entertainment._

_Also fun fact I actually do have sector heterochromia in my eye, so take that. The character is based off me and I'm the narrator so there you have it. This might even develop into something more than a crack fix, who knows. Well I love you all and goodnight. I have shit to do in my sleep, like dream about my naruto harem. Byes~_


	2. Shark Week!

_"I meant to behave but there were too many other options."_

_-Anonymous _

* * *

Rae's P.O.V

"Was this necessary?" I asked while fidgeting in the ropes that I swear the narrator gave him because I do not recall owning any ropes like these. "Absolutely, now tell me what you know about me." Kisame said while sitting directly across from me with a kitchen knife in his hand. Thank god it wasn't a butter knife or else I would never stop making fun of him.

**This is the part where you make an amazing lie.**

"You're from another world and the narrator if this story kidnapped my family and brought you here for her own entertainment and also did I mention you're from an anime called Naruto and you die in it and everyone knows everything about you." I said really fast, making the man glare at me.

**Not what I meant…but we'll roll with it.**

"I'm not asking for a stupid lie, the truth now, or I'll kill you where you stand." Kisame growled and I chuckled. "Excuse me, I'm sitting. Also it's not a lie. Seriously I can just Google your name and find your favorite food. Although I have this nagging feeling it's seafood. " I said with an amused look.

**See you find this entertaining.**

_Actually it's a defense mechanism…_

**Weirdo.**

_Wait…you can read my fucking thoughts?! Why didn't you tell me this earlier so I could avoid the awkward stares of other people?_

**Because I'm an ass.**

"Are you listening?" A gruff voice came to me and I looked at Kisame. "Sorry, geez didn't you hear me when you were a cat about me being a schitzo?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. "I asked how did I managed to get here?" He asked again, clearly irritated.

"One of the great ones sent you here." I said bluntly while keeping a straight face on. "The who?" He asked and I shook my head. "Now I will admit The Who was an amazing group in their time, but they aren't the great ones." I said and he looked at me confused.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill you." He said and I shrugged. "I don't feel like dying…guess you don't care though. How about this, if we play along like good **puppets **then you'll get to go home and I'll get to live a **sane** life afterwards." I explained carefully and he glared.

"What do you mean?" He hissed. "Easy, all we need to do it go along with the story and in every single one of these stories after a big event you get sent back. Now we just play along until then." I said and he glared.

"I'll keep you alive if you promise to find a way for me to get back." He said and I nodded. "Don't worry, I want you out of here just as much as you want to get back home. Now that we have a mutual understanding of this…what now?" I asked, more to the bitch in my head then to shark man over there.

**Show him where he'll be staying then make dinner for the two of you. It'll be awkward then you'll go to bed and contemplate what you're doing with your life now that you have an Akatsuki member in your house. Then the chapter ends.**

_This thing is actually a multi-chapter story?_

**Do you doubt my powers?**

_No, I don't…but I can't cook._

**I should've chosen someone with a better skill set than you.**

_Do you mean: Mary Sue_

**Yes, I do. This is a crack fic, why can't I have a Mary Sue.**

_Because you chose an antisocial child who hates everyone and nobody likes her due to her bluntness and did I mention I also might be slightly insane._

**Note to self, find a cooler person for the next chapter.**

_You can't get rid of me, you've already written me in! Unless you redo the whole chapter and last chapter._

**I hate logic…now cook something**

I sighed before looking at the fish man. "Okay I'll show you where you can sleep." I said lazily while walking up the narrow stairs and turning to a door. "This was my sister's room, I think it's better than my room since it doesn't have pink and green walls." I said while looking at him and he stared at the bed.

"I'm going to go move my things into the master bedroom now since I'm staying there while my parents are kidnapped." I said while walking over to my room and grabbing my phone charger and laptop and going into my parent's room.

"I'll be staying in this room." Kisame said suddenly from behind me, making me jump. "No, I already chose it. It's big and the bed is comfy so it's mine." I said while glaring at him. "Beat it, kid. That bed in there is too small." He said and I rolled my eyes. "Well princess, I see what you're getting at but this is my house. I stay in here." I said before I was lifted up by the back of my shirt and dropped out of the room.

The door closed and I heard the lock. "Damn you, fuck nut!" I shouted before going to my room and putting everything back. Maybe I could poison his meal…

I went downstairs and turned the stove on while cracking some eggs. Omelets are simple enough to make. Well I proved that theory wrong when I accidently overcooked the egg until it was hard as stone. "Damn…didn't even think I could fuck this one up…cereal it is!" I said while pouring myself a bowl and sitting on the couch.

**What about Kisame's food?**

_He can get his own damn meal._

**Damn I really wished I got someone cooler than you…**

After a little fight with 'myself' Kisame did show up. "Grab whatever you want from the kitchen, I can't cook for shit so you're on your own." I said while flipping through the channels and turning it to shark week. "Look! It's your mother!" I shouted while a great white swam past the screen.

"Very funny.." Kisame mumbled before it went to another scene with a school of sharks. "Did you ever attend this school?" I asked him before I felt a spoon hit my face. "Damn, touchy subject eh?" I said before slumping back down into my couch. Another half an hour passed and I went upstairs, did my homework, then hopped in bed.

"Goodnight world!" I shouted before starting to doze off.

**You forgot about the contemplating thing.**

_Do I really have too? Can't I just sleep I have school in the morning…_

**No, actually you aren't even allowed to sleep. The first night the protagonist has a hard time sleeping knowing there are S-ranked criminals in her house.**

_Well there's only Shark boy in here so I don't give a fuck. Now let me sleep._

**Not until you recap your day then stay awake with worry for a couple of hours.**

_I will skin you alive before putting the skin into a blender, blending it up until it's a liquid, then force feed it down every person you care about throats before killing them as well. Don't. Fuck. With. Me._

**Good night, sweet dreams. Don't let the-**

_Fuck off!_

And with that, I fell asleep.

* * *

_There, chapter 2 is done. I think I will continue this because it's __slightly entertaining me. Although now I'm running out of time because I have to go next door to get my hair cut (Yes, I have a neighbor cut my hair since I'm cheap) so I gotta go. Also to The-Ninja-From-Yesterday, you're awesome and let your comment forever hold a legend on this story! I loves you so thanks for the review~_


End file.
